I debated writing this because I know it’s going to probably upset some people, but then I thought “Well, this is my blog, so I can say whatever I want.”

Religion. A topic I try to avoid with most people, right up there with politics. This is one of those topics where if you’re not in complete agreement with the person, you risk an argument. And I understand. If you’ve been raised being told something is absolute truth your entire life, it’s alarming to hear an opinion that opposes that. I have people in my life that I have immense respect for, but when we get on the topic of religion, the atmosphere changes. Often times I find if I question something that doesn’t feel right to me, I’m met with anger, so I tend to just avoid it all together.

I’m not going to go into too much detail about what I believe, but I’m going to touch on the topic of absolute understanding of the origins of the Earth/humanity.

There are thousands of religions in the world. Approximately 4,200, according to my 3 second google search. Each has their own understanding of where we came from, why we’re here, and where we’re going. Each has their own personal meaning to the believer.

When I was younger, we sometimes went to church. We prayed before dinner. I prayed before bed. But there were often times where I’d be sitting in church and felt a little off about something that was said. Not to say the words were bad (like homophobic, sexist, etc.), just that some of the stories didn’t quite make sense to me. Then I’d have an internal dialogue with myself, questioning if I believed what I was hearing, which would then lead to extreme guilt because God could hear me and would send me to hell. Then, I would try to trick my thoughts into thinking “I believe this, it’s absolutely true!” while my deeper subconscious knew I was trying to fool myself.

I then went through a period in high school that I can say bordered atheism. I thought people that believed in a God were just lost people. I was so sure that everything could be boiled down to a science and that any other ideas about “the meaning of life” were wrong.

At this point in my life, I realize feeling like you’re living for something greater than yourself is important, but what I still don’t understand is how some people feel so absolutely sure about the “ultimate truth,” if you will. It seems like such a grand statement to say one is absolutely sure of the creation of life and why we exist and where we’re going and what we need to do and how we need to do it. Though, when I hear somebody who is completely devoted to a God or to no God, I  feel strangely envious. This person is living life with true conviction, which I’m starting to realize is something I almost never feel comfortable with. I can’t imagine a point in life where I’ll ever feel truly comfortable committing to a decision of this magnitude. I am currently exploring my options, seeing what feels most natural to me. Until I find that answer, I’ll just continue to try to live my life as an good person with honest intentions.

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