Oh lord. Day 10 and this is what I get? As soon as I read this about a million moments came rushing to my mind. You see, my awkward nature and vast ignorance leads me to constantly put my foot in my mouth. I’ve offended more people than I can count by merely feeling awkward, jabbering on like an idiot, then subsequently saying something unintentionally rude. It hurts to think about.
I can’t just think of one thing, so I’ll mention the first three that come to mind.
Describe Your Most Embarrassing Moment:
- In high school, I went to a friend’s house for the first time. Being my extremely nervous, jittery, and my socially awkward self, tensions were running high. I walked in and immediately heard this kind of barking sound. Out of curiosity, I asked my friend “Do you have a dog?” He looked at me baffled and said no. “I could’ve swore I heard a dog bark.” We walk into the living room and I see his mentally challenged sister sitting in a chair, gazing into the distance, then making that “barking sound” I had heard moments before. Instead of just letting it go, I exclaimed “Oh! That’s the barking sound I heard! I thought your sister was a dog.” Ugh, what the actual hell is wrong with me.
- It’s a beautiful day in Greenwich, Connecticut. My uncle is having some sort of get together. Friends and family alike have gathered to have what they hoped would be a good, non-awkward time. Nope, not so fast. Caroline has arrived and she’s ready to offend. My boy friend’s dad came and I was nervous. When I get nervous, I ramble. When he arrived, I thought I’d give him a tour of the house and introduce him to people. Things are going ok; we’re chatting, meeting, and just enjoying the party. Then we reach a family I’ve known since I was literally nine years old. I introduce his dad to everyone no problem, but then we reach the daughter. I just blank. I can’t remember her name. Instead of just admitting this and making a joke of it, I say to her “I can’t remember your name. What is it?” She stares at me, shocked, and doesn’t answer. I say “Come on, help me out.” She still doesn’t answer. I say “Ok, her name is Cynthia.” Well people, this is her mom’s name, not hers. Cute, right?
- I once was tailed by a guy who then followed me into a parking lot and cussed me out for not going fast enough for him, even though I was going 5mph over the speed limit. I’m telling this to a friend and ignorantly say “The dude was such an asshole and he was bald.” (Just so you know, I have nothing against bald people. I was just pissed and ranting.) My friend then points to his balding head and says “So?” Cue awkward backtracking a flushed red face.
- BONUS: I thought Alaska was an island until I was like 19. JUST LOOK HOW THEY PUT IT ON THE MAP DAMN IT I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE.
There’s literally so much more I could say here, but I’ll leave it at this. Sometimes I think I need a spanking.