I’ve heard the things you dislike most in other people are the things you  dislike about yourself. For example, a partner who constantly accuses their partner of cheating may fear that they have dishonest thoughts. Or the guy who bashes gay people is trying really hard to ignore his fantasies about Alan.

Lately, I’ve been trying to get into a better head space. I’ve been feeling really stressed lately and it’s just been affecting my everyday life. I am really sensitive so it’s hard for me to just let things “roll off my back.” As a matter of fact, my issues take up residence on my back. They thrive and breed and spread and kick my ass when I try to make them pay rent. I’m constantly fixating on issues and it doesn’t help anything. It actually makes things worse. SO, I asked myself, how can I handle my life in a way where I’m genuinely working towards a happier, healthier me? I came to the conclusion that I do not get to the heart of issues. The way I handle things is often ineffective, so I tried to understand and I came to this conclusion: I am a hypocrite.

I’m going to try to articulate this accurately, as I’m really just getting my thoughts out. Let’s say someone does something that upsets me, I handle it through a couple of different levels. First, I’m usually confused/shocked. I feel like a lot of times I’m just taking in the situation and don’t know how to respond. Second, I’m angry. I’m mad because I feel like what they are doing it wrong. This is where I usually linger for a very long time. This is the step I’m trying to move past. So I thought to myself, how can I move past this anger? How can I address the situation in a way where I’m not carrying the weight of anger? How can I move to the next step, whatever that may be? So then I thought and I came to this conclusion; understanding. If I understand where this person is coming from, maybe I can see the situation from a new perspective.

Sounds like common sense, right? Of course I need to understand where someone is coming from in order to move on. So. I think about the person, I try to understand why they do the things they do and, more often than not, I can relate. People act out of insecurity; it’s the driving force for many people. It’s been and continues to be a driving force for me. So how can I judge someone for acting out of insecurities when I, myself, am guilty of the same thing? It’s hypocritical.

So, like I said, the third step is understanding. This is the step I’m currently working on. The next and obvious step is forgiveness. “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” I don’t even know who said that, probably some greek dude, but they were onto something. I aspire to reach this level. I don’t want my outside environment to be able to so intensely impact my inner peace. Unfortunately, this is easier said than done, but hopefully I’ll be able to achieve this someday.

Anyway, I guess the point of this rant is to remind myself that I’m not always right and to see if I’m alone in this journey… sometimes it feels like I might be, as people don’t always seem so inclined to admit their hypocrisy, like myself. Thanks for reading.


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